It's official: I am fat!

How do I know? Because Express for Men doesn't carry my size anymore.

Let me explain how we got to my sad state. About eight or nine years ago, I starting shopping at Structure. They had fashionable, reasonably priced wear that made me look rather dapper. I signed up for their credit card and they sent me coupons every few months. All was well for a long time.

Well, sometime a few years ago, Structure morphed into Express. Now the latter is notorious for carrying only women's close for waifish types. Are you a size zero woman? They've got you covered. Size 14 or greater? Sorry, you're out of luck, fattie.

So a few months ago I stroll into Express for Men and can't find anything in my size (waist 38) So I go back there today and it's the same deal. I talk to the manager and she tells me that they won't be carrying anything greater than a 36 waist anymore.

Now I'm not the model of fitness, but ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?!? A size 38 waist isn't even that overweight! That is ridiculous!

I estimate they will lose somewhere between one quarter to half their sales from this. How can this possibly be a good business decision? If they are going to rest their business hopes solely on high school and thin college kids, they are in for a rude awakening.

I told the manager that I wouldn't be shopping at Express anymore. I canceled my Platinum Card.

Old Navy, here I come!